So it is a little after 8:15 in the morning and I am sitting at East Clayton Elementary School watching tv and waiting for my sister to handle some business. I love the fact that she is an assistant principal and soon to become a principal. Apparently the United States needs more African American male teachers. I wonder if I am going to attempt to be one of those males. I am pretty sure that I can get a job in education without a problem, but I am trying to figure out if that is what I want to do. I can see myself getting involved in education, being exposed to the problems, and not wanting to get out until I made changes. Which I guess isn't really a bad thing. I don't want to spend my days dealing with bad kids though...decisions decisions.

Anyway, another week of doing pretty much nothing. I am supposed to be going to dinner with Albie tonight which will be fun because I haven't seen her in forever. This weekend should be ridiculous though. Jersey Shore watch party Thursday, hanging out/seeing some friends Friday, and Maybe going to Detroit on Saturday and then I will be getting ready to head out to Hawaii and hopefully I will get my new MacBook Pro sometime this week. Fingers crossed. I am ready to get back to school! Only three weeks off!

Sometimes I wonder where exactly I fit into this world in which I live. I don't fall into one catagory where I can be easily identified. I don't like being seen as just being a Black man(even though I do indeed embrace my heritage). I realize that although I feel as though I have my own unique identity, people give me alternative ones just so it makes it easier for them to attempt to relate to me.

What people don't realize is that in order to relate to someone, you don't go by what you see on the outside, but rather you listen to what they say and what their experiences are. Labeling someone or giving them an identity that you have made for them automatically makes it more difficult for you to relate to them because you have already closed your mind. Get beyond physical appearances and what you might have heard about someone and learn for yourself.

So now that my daily thoughts are over with, a brief update on life.

One more week until Hawaii! Never been before so I am kind of excited. We might be staying in a timeshare instead of a hotel so I am even more excited about that. I am looking forward to getting somewhere where the culture is completely different. Hopefully by then I will have my new computer so I will be sending picture updates and hopefully adding more blog posts. I feel like my senior year in school is a good time to begin updating my blog on a regular basis.

Weather is ridiculously hot in Atlanta, but lacks the humidity of Memphis which means that it is not nearly as hot as it could be. So I can't really complain too much.

Going to watch long course state again down at Georgia Tech in a little bit. It kinda feels weird not swimming in the meet especially since a lot of people that I graduated with or are currently in college are swimming. But I guess that is just the way it goes. I am getting ready for my senior year of swimming though as long as my shoulder decides to stay intact long enough for me to swim.

That's all I really have for right now. I am amused by the fact that I managed to type all of this on my phone. I need a 3G iPad. Maybe I will try to eBay my Blackberry storm and work my way up to an ipad before I go back to school. I have nothing else to do so its definitely worth a try. Especially after seeing the story about the guy who started with a cellphone on Craigslist and bartered his way to a Porsche. I will keep y'all updated on how this goes...

-jtate

Figuring Things Out

A few seconds before I woke up this morning, the last thing I remember is looking at my cell phone at a text from my sister that said: Jarrett, come home. We lost mom.
A shot up in bed after that and felt sick to my stomach for a few seconds until I realized it was just a dream. Or at least a partial dream. I haven't spoken to my mom in weeks.
My mom has been in a weird grey area for weeks now where according to the book(yeah, there is a book on death that the hospital gives you) her body is slowly shutting down. She can still hear what is going on around her, but she probably won't respond, which in a way seems worse than death.
I am tired of people asking me if my mom is doing "okay" and "how is your mom doing". My mom is at home dying. I appreciate the thoughts, but it just makes it worse when people ask me that.

Moving onto a different topic, I have realized that I am a very angry person. And I am not angry in the violent way. I am just frustrated with a lot of things that have been going on in life. Women playing games, friends being shady, even some of my family being shady. Sometimes I wonder if it is possibly to truly trust anyone in this life without putting yourself in a position to be let down. Probably not.

So my remedy for this string of disappoints that have happened recently is to shut down completely. I'm not letting anyone get close anytime soon. Probably not the best policy, but if it helps me retain my sanity and keeps me from becoming an asshole, then that is what I will have to do.

Miss Independent...and Angry?

They're going to hate me for this one...

Let's play a game. I'll say a word or phrase and then I'll follow it with connotations that the word or phrase has attached to it.

Alright...black women.

Angry
Independent
Hostile
Motivated
Belligerent
Ambitious
Bitter
Successful
Contentious

Starting to see a pattern? I know that I have been.
Now before you start writing your comments on how I am generalizing, just know that for the sake of time and my sanity I am not going to attempt to point out every exception to this claim. But I am quite aware that there are many black women who are not angry, hostile, etc. But over the years I have noticed that many black women are quick to enforce their independence by attempting to either keep others in check or speak their mind, regardless of the situation.

Establishing a position of being the H.B.I.C. is not attractive in the least. And I know a lot of girls are probably thinking...well, attraction is not the main goal of my assertiveness. The main goal is for people to know that I can handle my own and I am not the one to be F'ed with. Well, that is all great and wonderful that you are aware of yourself and wish to be placed on an equal playing field, but there is a way to go about that without seeming like you are going to "pick the world up, and then drop it on [my] fucking head".

Black women seem to have this underlying anger that rears its ugly head at times when anger is not justified. For example, if a lady at the airport accidently rolls over your foot with a suitcase, there is no need for you to go off and her(and risk getting arrested). It could be that it was a simple accident and not a case of being "disrespected". True example.

Another example I have yet to understand but also moves toward another topic all together is the issue of black men and black women. On the dating side of things that is. If one guy messes up, or turns out not to be the right one for you, women have the tendencies to hold much deeper grudges than members of any other race(from what I can tell). One guy ruins it for the next 10 guys that try to talk to you and any one of those guys could have been your future husband, but just for the fact that you let one guy get inside your head.

There is a difference between being cautious about relationships from that point and being hostile from that point out. I believe that is the main point I am trying to make on that issue. But black women have a tendency to become hostile after experiencing a bad relationship instead of more aware. It is possible to be introverted around a person you don't trust without coming off as being rude. And yeah, I speak from personal experience on that one.

So, ladies, don't take this note the wrong way. This was not written to take a stab at anyone, but more so just to state observations that have built up over the years. I'm going to have to start putting disclaimers on all my notes...its a shame.

Alright, now to go lose what remains of my brain power in Critical Theory and Criticism. I guess this was just a warm up.

-JTate

A Collection...Just the Beginning

Another Brotha My Type

Ya'll will never see another brotha my type. So when I'm gone, I hope you remember me right. T.I. has never spoken truer words. I'm a different kinda guy. I've finally come to terms with that. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't like saying nigga, I hate when people use the term in public on a regular basis, I can't rap, I'm not an amazing dancer, I don't play football, basketball, or any other of the "black" sports. I don't like to curse(even though it may seem like it), I don't like fried chicken, and I don't sag my pants to my knees. I don't need forty other guys to follow me around everywhere, I don't always dress urban, and I don't only listen to rap music. I don't try to sleep with every girl I meet. I'm not a emotionless sex machine. I don't treat girls like crap. I'm a gentleman, I like having someone by my side, and I hurt just like any other human being. I hate to see or hear about guys mistreating girls, I think that guys have a bad reputation right now, but I am going to prove people wrong.I like to swim, I've been discriminated against, and I will never stop swimming. I get along with all races, I don't care what color you are, if you are my friend then you have gained my trust and loyalty.I like to learn, I like to understand, and I like to read. I don't like closed-minded people, I'm pretty liberal, and religion is still a mystery to me. One of my best swimming friends died in a car accident, my mom has stage 3 ovarian cancer, but yet I still move on.I'm well-liked in the swimming community, my mom inspires me, and my parents are still together. I like to love, but I don't love often. I don't like those who are not truthful, once you lose my trust it will never fully be regained. This is me. This is how I am. I'm one of a kind. Not a stereotype you see on BET or MTV. I'm not another "nigga". I refuse to be classified in that way. If you refer to me in that way, then you lose part of my respect even though I may not show it. Don't mistake my sensitivity or understanding for weakness. Its actually one of my strengths and is why I am well-respected. You have just had a look inside my thought process.I just hope you remember me right.


**This post was from Facebook from a couple weeks back. This will be my opening post.**

Welcome to the Big Leagues?

So, I finally decided to separate Facebook from my thoughts. These are my thoughts and purely my thoughts. You can agree or you can disagree. You can feel offended or you can nod your head slowly and think, "I understand now". Let me know what you think of what I write regardless of what your standpoint is. I am just expressing myself and wishing to learn how others feel.

-JT