So it is a little after 8:15 in the morning and I am sitting at East Clayton Elementary School watching tv and waiting for my sister to handle some business. I love the fact that she is an assistant principal and soon to become a principal. Apparently the United States needs more African American male teachers. I wonder if I am going to attempt to be one of those males. I am pretty sure that I can get a job in education without a problem, but I am trying to figure out if that is what I want to do. I can see myself getting involved in education, being exposed to the problems, and not wanting to get out until I made changes. Which I guess isn't really a bad thing. I don't want to spend my days dealing with bad kids though...decisions decisions.

Anyway, another week of doing pretty much nothing. I am supposed to be going to dinner with Albie tonight which will be fun because I haven't seen her in forever. This weekend should be ridiculous though. Jersey Shore watch party Thursday, hanging out/seeing some friends Friday, and Maybe going to Detroit on Saturday and then I will be getting ready to head out to Hawaii and hopefully I will get my new MacBook Pro sometime this week. Fingers crossed. I am ready to get back to school! Only three weeks off!

Sometimes I wonder where exactly I fit into this world in which I live. I don't fall into one catagory where I can be easily identified. I don't like being seen as just being a Black man(even though I do indeed embrace my heritage). I realize that although I feel as though I have my own unique identity, people give me alternative ones just so it makes it easier for them to attempt to relate to me.

What people don't realize is that in order to relate to someone, you don't go by what you see on the outside, but rather you listen to what they say and what their experiences are. Labeling someone or giving them an identity that you have made for them automatically makes it more difficult for you to relate to them because you have already closed your mind. Get beyond physical appearances and what you might have heard about someone and learn for yourself.

So now that my daily thoughts are over with, a brief update on life.

One more week until Hawaii! Never been before so I am kind of excited. We might be staying in a timeshare instead of a hotel so I am even more excited about that. I am looking forward to getting somewhere where the culture is completely different. Hopefully by then I will have my new computer so I will be sending picture updates and hopefully adding more blog posts. I feel like my senior year in school is a good time to begin updating my blog on a regular basis.

Weather is ridiculously hot in Atlanta, but lacks the humidity of Memphis which means that it is not nearly as hot as it could be. So I can't really complain too much.

Going to watch long course state again down at Georgia Tech in a little bit. It kinda feels weird not swimming in the meet especially since a lot of people that I graduated with or are currently in college are swimming. But I guess that is just the way it goes. I am getting ready for my senior year of swimming though as long as my shoulder decides to stay intact long enough for me to swim.

That's all I really have for right now. I am amused by the fact that I managed to type all of this on my phone. I need a 3G iPad. Maybe I will try to eBay my Blackberry storm and work my way up to an ipad before I go back to school. I have nothing else to do so its definitely worth a try. Especially after seeing the story about the guy who started with a cellphone on Craigslist and bartered his way to a Porsche. I will keep y'all updated on how this goes...

-jtate

Figuring Things Out

A few seconds before I woke up this morning, the last thing I remember is looking at my cell phone at a text from my sister that said: Jarrett, come home. We lost mom.
A shot up in bed after that and felt sick to my stomach for a few seconds until I realized it was just a dream. Or at least a partial dream. I haven't spoken to my mom in weeks.
My mom has been in a weird grey area for weeks now where according to the book(yeah, there is a book on death that the hospital gives you) her body is slowly shutting down. She can still hear what is going on around her, but she probably won't respond, which in a way seems worse than death.
I am tired of people asking me if my mom is doing "okay" and "how is your mom doing". My mom is at home dying. I appreciate the thoughts, but it just makes it worse when people ask me that.

Moving onto a different topic, I have realized that I am a very angry person. And I am not angry in the violent way. I am just frustrated with a lot of things that have been going on in life. Women playing games, friends being shady, even some of my family being shady. Sometimes I wonder if it is possibly to truly trust anyone in this life without putting yourself in a position to be let down. Probably not.

So my remedy for this string of disappoints that have happened recently is to shut down completely. I'm not letting anyone get close anytime soon. Probably not the best policy, but if it helps me retain my sanity and keeps me from becoming an asshole, then that is what I will have to do.