Figuring Things Out

A few seconds before I woke up this morning, the last thing I remember is looking at my cell phone at a text from my sister that said: Jarrett, come home. We lost mom.
A shot up in bed after that and felt sick to my stomach for a few seconds until I realized it was just a dream. Or at least a partial dream. I haven't spoken to my mom in weeks.
My mom has been in a weird grey area for weeks now where according to the book(yeah, there is a book on death that the hospital gives you) her body is slowly shutting down. She can still hear what is going on around her, but she probably won't respond, which in a way seems worse than death.
I am tired of people asking me if my mom is doing "okay" and "how is your mom doing". My mom is at home dying. I appreciate the thoughts, but it just makes it worse when people ask me that.

Moving onto a different topic, I have realized that I am a very angry person. And I am not angry in the violent way. I am just frustrated with a lot of things that have been going on in life. Women playing games, friends being shady, even some of my family being shady. Sometimes I wonder if it is possibly to truly trust anyone in this life without putting yourself in a position to be let down. Probably not.

So my remedy for this string of disappoints that have happened recently is to shut down completely. I'm not letting anyone get close anytime soon. Probably not the best policy, but if it helps me retain my sanity and keeps me from becoming an asshole, then that is what I will have to do.